24

Today was my star birthday (when you turn the same age as the day you were born), and it was a good one.  I was at first nonplussed by the idea of it all, especially since I've been "24" for the past year and that I had to go to a workshop all day yesterday. As it turns out, I am not yet of the age where every birthday is worse than the one prior.

To begin with, this workshop was out in the middle-of-nowhere's suburbs. By the time I got back Saturday night, I was so in the zone. I was on the elevator to my apartment, headphones in and totally rocking. I'd been travelling for an hour and a half and nothing was going to stop me then, in the home stretch. I come bobbin' down the hallway, inserting and turning my key in rhythm, and fling open the door to find the below.

At this point, the room is dark and I can't tell what is going on inside. My music is still blaring, so I can't even listen to hear if there's movement inside or not. I slide my hand along the right wall until it reaches the light switch. It would seem that at a certain age, one stops receiving birthday spankings and begins receiving birthday punkings. The room is a maze of toilet paper and laundry, strung up wall to wall. Someone has meticulously wrapped most of my possessions with aluminium foil (including dishes, furniture, and slices of American cheese). The furniture has been rearranged.

I stood spinning slowly in the centre of the room, dumbfounded and disoriented like a cat in a new house. Over the course of time I noticed smaller details like the disappearance of my laundry, the post-its that completely covered my mirror, or the pots and pans in the freezer. After 24 hours I believe everything has been discovered and corrected, including the shrink-wrapped shower head and toilet bowl.

While unwrapping, I got about 3 books in before realizing that everything had been replaced with chick-lit.

Lovingly and painstakingly done. I love it. Thanks to everyone for a kicking birthday that was full of surprises, delicious food, and fun.

My New English Vocabulary

I teach elementary English as a second language. I struggle daily to help children understand the nuances of the word take. Needless to say, I had consigned myself to a year of advanced English retreating. It is then an understandable surprise that I've noticed certain expansions in my vocabulary. Unfortunately, these words are not necessarily accepted or understood by the mainstream public. This is my first step in socializing the Konglish that has become such a part of my daily life.

Service
pronunciation: suh- as in 'suck'; -bee- as in the animal; -si as in the first syllable in 'swish' when we colloquially elongate it for effect

This one has been part of the repertoire for quite some time, but it's important to make the distinction. When Americans talk about the service at a particular restaurant, we are referring to a complex combination of server attitude, attention to detail, promptness, and overall dining experience. Korea takes a much more direct approach to the matter: service means free stuff. If I go to a restaurant and order, they will bring me a free cola. The waiter denoting that it is "service" is the social clue that I will not be charged for the Coke.

The practice does not stop at the dinner mint, however. If I get a fill up at a gas station, the attendant may give me a free packet of tissues for my car. "Service." If I'm at a karaoke room and I've paid for an hour but 30 more minutes magically appear on the clock, the monitor will inform me: "Service." If I pick up a prescription at the pharmacy and the clerk gives me a toothpaste sample, "service."

Consequently, this has made other imported phrases uncomfortable or impossible. "Self service," for example, because the awkwardly truncated and somewhat philosophical "Water is Self."

Hacking/Cunning
pronunciation: Heck-keeng and Cun-neeng

Hacking is of course the extremely 90's practice of infiltrating personal computer files and illicit programs, and cunning is the slightly less negative sly. A gerund and an adjective, respectively. In Korea, however, these words are synonymous. For that to be the case, they would also have to be identical parts of speech. In a true diplomatic fashion, they compromise and both become nouns. In Korean as well as in broken English, one literally "does hacking" or "does cunning."

This pair has been morphed to mean cheating. It is most predominant during quizzes when a student is taking a quiz and looks at a peer's paper. I have also seen it used in the context of a cheat sheet, or "cunning paper." There's a standardized test prep series called "TOEFL Hacking."

Interestingly, these terms do not apply for changing one's answers after grading (in which they simply label that student a "Sagee" or fraud) or for plagiarism (which they do not recognize as wrong on any level.)

Fishing
pronunciation: peesh-eeng

It's not a sport, unless you consider Ashton Kutcher's behavior on Punked to be athletic. In Korea, when you say something opposite of what you mean in order to fool someone, you follow the awkward silence that ensues with "I fished you," or simply "Fishing." It's greatly similar to phrases such as "I'm just pulling your chain," "Gotchya," or everyone's 1990's favorite "Psych."

Examples of fishing include, but are not limited to:
What's that on the ceiling? [nothing is on the ceiling] Fishing!

Teacher, I didn't bring my book today...I'm fishing!

I keep an extra refrigerator in my home to store the bodies. I just fished you!

A: You're fat!
B: You're mom's fat!
A: Not cool, my Mom's got breast cancer.
B: Dude, quit fishing me.

Happy Birthday

More appropriately, Happy New Year. However, in Korea at least and probably in other parts of the far east too, one's age is counted by the lunar calendar. Sort of. You see, although there will be no present giving or candle blowing until the actual date you traversed the birth canal, everyone in country is officially one year older on January first. So, since my 24th birthday is this year, you could safely assume that I am now 24.

But you'd be wrong. There's also this weird thing where you add one year. I'm not sure whether it's some hyperconservative life-begins-at-conception thing (wherein the math still doesn't make much sense for normal 9 month gestaters not to mention the premature) or if it's a way of counting the year you're about to live or what, but I was born in 1986, my birthday is the end of January, yet somehow I am "25" according to Korea. I guess in a culture where socially everything hinges on age, it sure is easier that we all make gains in that department at the exact same time. I also think this has suspiciously something to do with the fact the first semester of the school year starts now and not in the fall.

So, thanks Korea for adding 2 numbers to my mathematical age. Misery liking company, I implore you all to add 2 years to your age (1 if you're birthday was in the past 4 days) and contemplate how much you feel like you've just withered away.

새해 복 많이 받으세요.
(New Year's blessings many please receive.)