Megalomaniacal, Fanatically Religious Nutcase

When you post an add offering ENGLISH TUTOR in huge bold letters, you would expect to get emails about being an English tutor, but it's not entirely so. A caveat to those intending to advertise in Korea: you're going to run in to some nut jobs.

When I wrote my tutor add, I found it relevant to post that I had experience with the Latin language which has served to bolster my own linguistic understanding and productive vocabulary. I also mentioned that I come from a mother who teaches language, indicating that I have had some contact with the pedagogy of language instruction. Amazing how things can become so misconstrued...

About a month prior to Easter I was contacted by someone claiming to be translating the Bible from English to French. Though their reason for doing so is not clear (since many Bibles exist in both English and French, not to mention this person's first language was clearly not either of those languages), this anonymous emailer requested my help translating. When I told them that I do not speak French, they became very shocked and told me "You speak Latin, right?"
1) I took that language 3 yrs ago
2) nobody speaks Latin
3) add said ENGLISH TUTOR
4) FRENCH IS NOT LATIN!!!!
After putting this seriously misinformed person in contact with a French speaker I knew, I washed my hands of the scenario and moved on.

Recently, I received this email (all emails are copied word for word, no editing). Bear in mind that this was completely without precedent or explanation:

bUT IT MIGHT BE CHANGED ANYWAY i CAME BACK FROM JAPAN
DO YOU EVER VISIT THERE?
i HAVE A FRIEND WHO WORK THERE AS AN ENGLISH TEACHER.
aND i WILL VISIT JAPANESE SCHOOL.
CAN YOU TEACH LATIN THERE?
wE HAD JAPANESE STUDENT ABROAD FESTIVAL ONCE A YEAR THIS YEAR i WAS A STAFF.
SO I HAVE PLAN TO VISIT THE JAPANESE SCHOOL AND WANT TO TALK TO USE THEIR PLACE
FOR A NEXT FESTIVAL.
AND THANK YOU AND BYE
I WANT TO STUDY LATIN AND MY BROTHER IS LOOKING FOR A SCHOOL IN NEWYORK.
i HAVE YOUR 5 MAIL AND i WONDER WHICH SCHOOL YOU R GRADUATED.
HE PREPARE TO GO TO THE HARVARD.

I replied slightly confused but assuming that this person had seen my ad and was interested in Latin lessons? What would you assume? Anyway, while I am no longer familiar with the language, it's still fresh enough that I could teach an absolute beginner if I had a book. I proceeded to tell this new person (let's call her Rosalina) that I was available on Thursday and Friday mornings but that the rest of my schedule was very busy. If she could find a book I could teach her Latin.

Reply:
hi I enterd graduate school in yonsei education department.
But some reason I became to delay my graduate.
I do not have latinbook where can I find it.
But I have a french book also.
what about saturday?
I like satuday afternoon what about you?

Again with the French??? What are the schools here telling these kids?? And I had explicitly said only Thursday and Friday morning. Additionally, this is Rosalina's country, not mine. Shouldn't she know where to buy books? I mildly informed her of all these facts. This was a Thursday. She sent me this on Friday.

Reply:
do you have time tomorrow?
Because I go to school tomorrow
I go there rom 9 to 2 and then I will meet a friend who take a GsIS.
Are you gsis student?
Can we have meeting tomorrwo?
I really want to study latin but I do nto knwo where I can fidn a book .
Where can I find it...??
After we meet we can decide exchange korean and latin is this sounds good?
my friend name is esther

Alright. Again, suggests Saturday. Again, asks where she can buy a book. What is wrong with this person??? Before I have a chance to reply I get this in my inbox:

what do you do on saturday?
i will try to find a book but if you are fine call me tomorrow
IF you are find can I call tomorrow?
Because I will see mt friend tomorrow.
Let me know your number.

ARGH!!!! I sent her a response reiterating my initial email more clearly and tersely than before. Just when I was ready to give up on this chick she levels out. She says she's bought the book and asks me when and where I can meet Thursday morning. After we arrange everything, she sends an awkward number of emails just asking inane questions. It's the kind of questions that should be saved for when you first meet someone, but I just chalk it up to her being overly excited about lessons.

Thursday morning, we meet. I can tell immediately that she is not a typical Korean. Her style is something in between a carpet bagger and a grandmother, but its not dirty or anything. It's the kind of style that could be classified as either really original or really oblivious. We sit down at a table and she shows me the book. We don't talk about it though. Her first question is "Are you Catholic? Protestant? What about before? Are your parents Catholic? Protestant? Methodist?" Woah woah woah. There are different conceptions of what qualifies as personal information here, but that's over the line even for Korea. Then she proceeds to ask me about Latin. Is it the same as Hebrew? No, not really at all. Is it the same as Aram? I'm afraid I'm not quite familiar with Aram...

When this girl speaks, imagine that she's really out of breath, stuttery, and inarticulate, and imagine that she says everything as though she were delivering some life or death message.

"Jesus spoke Aram and and and there were people in the Bible who spoke it and today there are small groups of of of peoples who are living in in Iran and they speak Aram and those Aram people have many hardships and I want to to help them with their their hardships and when Cain killed Abel the Aram people decided to leave and that's where they they they are but when Cain killed Abel God let Cain go back to to Eden and I don't understand because I was thought that Eden closed and and how can you go back if God closed it? I think the Eden still exists and if it exists we can find it because God said so and there is the Tree of Life that God had had an angel with a fire sword guard and and and I want to find the Tree of Life so that we can have a closer experience with with God. Where do you think Eden is?"

...
ok
where to begin...
"Well, I think a lot of things in the Bible are symbolism."

"No, no no because I told people that it's real so I can find it."

At this point I decided to inform her that scientists who are also Christians largely believe that the most likely place that Eden did exist was between the Tigris and Euphrates river, smack in the middle of Iraq. Good luck. I tried to steer the conversation to Latin classes, but I was becoming increasingly aware that nothing good would come of this person. She then took the conversation in another wild direction:
-can't you speak French?
-NO! What is it with you people!
- Well, can you read French?
-No. I can recognize the words that are close to Latin or English words, but that's about it.
At this point in the conversation, she pulls out a notebook of all her translated Bible passages that she had written in French. She flipped from page to page asking me to read paragraphs. Being as she had written them herself it was not for her understanding. It was simply to test my comprehension of the French language which I repeatedly claimed to have no knowledge of.
-What about this one?
-Well, that word is monster and that word is ocean and that says they lived, but I really can't speak French at all you know.
-What about this one?

I began to recognize that I could not possibly tutor this person. I began trying to wiggle my way out of ever seeing her again, but she was not one to be easily dissuaded. I tried the "leaving the country soon" excuse, but it turns out she's leaving end of May to go to Berkeley (who let her in???). I tried telling her that she could probably learn Latin on her own since it was a relatively basic language and completely unspoken in it's original form. After all, Korea's biggest English problem is that they only learn vocab and how to read but none of them can speak or listen worth a damn. All she would have to do is what all Koreans do: memorize! But she wanted a teacher. *sigh*

It was beginning to look like I had no feasible excuse, when it dawned on me; Crazy people never have money!
-My fee is 30 dollars an hour.
-oh...oh...is that what you charge for English?
-Yes, and since I can get an English student easily it's not worth it to me to teach for any less.
-I see...how about language exchange??
[a note to the reader: language exchange is the concept that a student will learn your language (most often English) in exchange for their teaching you Korean instead of actually paying. It never is 50/50 balanced though. In fact most often it is the Korean slang for "free engrish resson."]
-Nope, not interested.
Here Rosalina spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince me that I needed Korean lessons, asking me why I took Korean in the first place if I don't want her to help me perfect myself, and generally aggravating me. Needless to say I had found my out and I knew it. I was holding onto this life preserver like Alec Baldwin clings to that one dusty Oscar nomination.

Eventually, she gave up trying to convince me, but that didn't keep her from espousing more crazy babble. Most notably:
-Well, since you're a a a major in the journalism then you should think about North Korea because I want to work with North Korea with the Denmark's embassy because because they have one in North Korea and Denmark has good embassies and social um um uh things and there are the biggest problem in Korea is that they kill Christians.
-Ummmm...are you sure that's there biggest problem? I don't think that even happens. And isn't Kim JongIl himself a Christian?
-No no no he is not and I know economics but but this is their biggest problem.
-What about human rights? For...everybody? Isn't what hurts everybody more important to that country than supposed religious persecution?
-Well, the Christians that are died are lost their human rights and and and they do have to work for for North Korea to dig the holes in the mountains where the Kim JongIl makes his nuclear weapons and I want to go there and help them with their their [search through electronic dictionary] their devastation. If you want to then I work with Denmark and Belgium and maybe you can help me bebebecause I don't have very much helpers right now and you could talk to the embassies for me and it might be good to you to write some things about it for America?

There has to be some way to end this torture, right? It has been an hour by this point, and as I look at my watch hands coming to rest on exactly eleven, I realize the one tool I haven't utilized yet: the all powerful 약속 (appointment/promise). Since the keeping of one's appointments and promises is so valued in this culture, throwing this word out means immediate freedom from whatever you are currently doing. How could I not have thought of this sooner?? So I dropped the bomb and scampered quickly away as she shouted after me something about Belgian embassy and think about it.

I had assumed that her cheap self would have taken this advantage as well in order to escape the awkwardness of not having money, but not so. The same day I receive this email:
so
how do yoy do?
do you think we can study latin again?
so for one I will teach you chinese if you need.
So, another offer to do "language exchange" in a language she's probably worse at than English. Then sent later the same day still:
and I write genisis in english.
If you like write it in korea you can find a bible in the chaple main hall.
because they have their own bible.
Or I can take one for you.
I wrote it till 4 so next time I will write 5.
So we can share more than language And I will take map for the genesis because I have.
So you see that this person is completely insane, and with those types of people sometimes the best end to things is more blunt that you would like...
"look, rosalina

I'm not interested in Chinese, Christianity, or anything you have to offer. I think it would be better if we don't meet each other any more. for that matter, I think we shouldn't contact each other period."

The end? Still no. This was the last email I sent her, since the interaction was only encouraging her and was my mistake from the very beginning, but she keeps on sending:
well.
what matter ?where is eden ?

and then:
anyway..
If you want to find a gold I have to give.
www.cyworld.com/jesu
But if you are interested in north korea I can help.
Because I work with them.

Of course, there was nothing at that link...*cookoo*
and then:
some work there.
It might be interesting to write or show their move.
spies.
yonsei is interesting place.


I have never met any one crazier in this country or any other, but the whole episode has been so comical that it was totally worth it. That was the last correspondence I received from her, but I don't presume it's over. I remain hopeful that I will get more psychopathic hilarity in the near future. Don't combine this account with the shootings in Virginia and construe that all Koreans are off their rockers: most people here are very very normal. So normal that it's like cloning was never banned by the scientific community...

봄이 왔다!

Midterm season is the best here. It would never fly in the States, but all classes are cancelled during midterm week and every teacher cancelled the classes the week before the midterms so that everyone could study. It's like an extra spring break, except with tests.

The weather has gotten warmer and the landscape is gorgeous. Cherry blossoms everywhere. For one week there were whitish pink flowers on trees that you didn't even know were cherry trees, and this week it's even better. It's like something out of an anime music video; there is a constant soft snowfall of cherry blossom petals all day every day. Not too mention the flowering azalea and forsythia and some other tree with big white blossoms. It's so nice to be out of the drear and the rain and the cold. I'll post pictures as soon as I figure out how to get them off my camera and onto one of these school computers (computer is broken -- camera needs a program to upload pictures -- school computers don't allow program downloading)

Other than that, it's just been a lot of school and tutoring. I took several extra jobs to put me back in the black after the two weeks of Japan/Korea tutoring as well as to help afford a new computer. I sort of feel like I'm missing opportunity here, but then again I'm back-paying for opportunity that I've already grasped so I can't really complain.

Plus, in the middle of an epic grapple with the bureaucracy of the home university. More stress than I want to even think about.

봄학기: Spring Semester

Well, after a tumultuous drop-add of class shopping and fighting for what I want, I finally consigned myself to (what I hope will be) a more balanced set of classes for the new semester.

Mon/Wed morning: Korean Politics in Transition
This one is turning out to be more and more like the rest of the classes I took last semester, although initially it promised to focus more intently on economic policy and development. I find that the teacher knows a great deal of information but (
surprise surprise) can't take a stance and moreover can't seem to get the information out of herself in a concise or focused manner. It's very difficult to follow her rants and get anything meaningful out that I don't already know, but it will be the easy class.

Mon/Wed afternoon: North Korean Politics and Foreign Policy
The class is really interesting. There is no final, midterm, or paper due the entire semester. The professor is knowledgeable, speaks good English, and provides a great deal of primary document evidence to back up his rather unconventional approach to North Korea. Unfortunately the weekly quizzes are focused on entirely the wrong subject matter: minute definitions from every obscure corner of the reading. I did the reading, went to the extra guest lecture that was recommended, was the most participatory in class discussion, but if I don't remember the passing mention of "epistemic imperialism" in the text then there goes a quarter of my quiz grade. That's not an accurate assessment of knowledge at all. I can't take a semester of that crap.

Tues/Thurs morning: The United Nations and other International Organizations
Top notch class. The professor is knowledgeable, succinct, free thinking, and often leads class in a discussion oriented way. There is an interesting mix of people for a discussion class, including an ex-soldier of 5 years who was part of the initial force into Iraq and a Korean who spent 19 years of her life growing up in Saudi Arabia. Really cool. In the beginning, though I really liked the class, I felt that the atmosphere of the students was kind of apathetic (who can blame them with this education system) but now the class is fired up and the whole thing is great. The best part of my schedule.

Mon-Fri evening: Korean Language Lvl III
It's finally happened: the common language of the classroom is no longer English but Korean. There are 2 japanese girls and one Chinese guy who don't speak any English, and the Tues/Thurs reading teacher only speaks Korean and German (???). Therefore, if I'm struggling I don't have the luxury to speak English anymore. Sort of a good thing, or more like a blessing in disguise I suppose. On top of that, this is my second semester in the Yonsei Korean language program, so I have knowledge up to the very bottom of lvl III. In a sense, this is exactly where I need to be but unfortunately it's not that simple. Any incoming students (i.e. first semester in the Yonsei Korean language program) are more than likely somewhere in between the levels of the program, so the majority of the class is far better at Korean than I am. Another blessing in disguise? Perhaps. Maybe it just means that I have a lot of people to learn from, but between plenty of people who know more vocab, listen better, and speak faster plus the added stress of no English safety net, I feel pretty overwhlemed in Korean right now.

So that's the schedule so far. There's always the myriad of private students as well, moving in and out, and then plenty of interesting reading to keep me going in my spare time. Also discovering the more-humdrum-than-Seinfeld humor of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and between all that I keep pretty busy. Midterms not coming up until late April, so it's coasting time!

Just past the halfway mark

Well, 7 months have come and gone here in Korea, and I guess it's time for another evaluation of my experience. A "report card," if you will. (you will.)

Things I Miss
Food: Although my craving for real cheese has been temporarily abated by the generous and thoughtful birthday gift of fine Spanish cheeses from my friends back home (you know who you are, you guys rock!), I find that new craving doors are opened weekly. It started with the Reuben. I began wondering if I could find rye bread and corned beef and Swiss cheese if I went to a swanky enough grocery store. Then I started thinking about potatoes and all their manifestations over recent months. Then it was a sort of constant desire for salads that are more than just shredded cabbage and dressing. Then it sprung out into pork chops and green beans and Mexican foods and gyros until now I just consign myself to never ever thinking about American cuisine for sake of sparing myself the hunger and not drooling all over my clothes.

Critical Thinking: This one took me quite a while to pinpoint, but critical thinking skills here are few and far between. It turns out that the Korean idea of critical thinking is actually just saying "Well, each side of the argument has good points and bad points," then pat yourself on the back and call it a day. They are completely incapable of formulating an opinion, synthesizing ideas together, or taking a side on any issue. This is an indication of my overall dissatisfaction with the education system in general. There is an over emphasis on memorization of pointless facts and regurgitation of these, but when asked to think they all go deer-in-headlights.

Things I Will Miss
Food: Ironically enough, as much as I crave the occasional anything-cooked-in-an-oven, I know that leaving this country and its delicious food will be difficult. Everything is so cheap and accessible, but on top of that the food culture here is awesome. It's so oriented on sharing and community: often we eat from communal dishes in the middle of the table, it's unheard of to eat alone, and any social activity involves eating (be it sightseeing, karaoke, or bars).

Public Transportation: Some of the cheapest and most self-explanatory in the world, I haven't spent enough time raving about how much I love the PT here. For 80 cents to a dollar, I can get anywhere in the city and never have to worry about traffic or car accidents or driving at all. I can read or listen to music, be inebriated, even sleep and it's no problem at all. In addition, any transfer from subway to bus, subway to subway, or bus to subway is free of charge: you pay once up front and you're good to go until you reach your destination. I can even get to many locations on the outskirts of Seoul or in neighboring cities all with the Seoul Public Transportation service. It is so convenient and cheap, and unlike these Cali Kyopo girls I don't miss a car. What I will miss is a society where you don't need one.

Well, those are my brief musings about the world I'm leaving behind shortly. I guess I'll do a 3/4's review too, but by then it'll be way to real. For now it's back to what (seems like) will always be my life.

Chinese New Year

Unlike regular new year, Koreans celebrate Sullal much the same way they celebrate Thanksgiving: travel around the country, gather at grandma's house, have a feast. In addition to being a very family oriented time, Chinese new year is a very historical an cultural time here in Korea. This is the time where you can see the highest concentration of traditional performances and sundry people in hanbok, the "kimono" of Korea.

Many of these performances I had seen before, but it's just cool to see them happening and everyone else joining in, dancing and clapping and running in circles. I can not capture this celebration with words, so I wil instead capture it with picture and video.



Horseback Video


Dance Video


Tightrope Video

Videos

Thanks to the ease and convenience of YouTube (a Google owned service), I can now post our short vids on this simple and valuable Blogger (too, a Google owned service).

To Google, for being long-run minded, anti-advertising, anti-intellectual property law, creative, and all around involved in every innovative and commodious service on the internet.

Finally, you may all see and be amazed by the phenomenon which is live octopus (san nakji). David and I are now experienced in this terror inducing flurry of sensation for your gums and patella.

Trip to Korea

There's no measuring how relieving it was to touch down in Korea again. Even being on the plane (where services were provided in English, Japanese, and Korean) was comfortable in comparison to a world without any linguistic understanding. Airports are probably the most stressful places in the world, especially with all the extra hoops to jump through these days, but I was so 시원해 just to be back in what really has come to feel like home for me. If it felt like that in an airport, don't get me started on how exciting it was to be back in my neighborhood and then finally in my actual room. It's incredible that we humans become so attached to location, scenery, familiarity, and security when we think of that as so animal. Well just one week away taught me that it's an instinct we still haven't really shaken.

The majority of my week in Korea with David was in fact just a 7 day compression of the 6 months I've already spent here. Personally I didn't do but a few things that I hadn't already done yet, but it was a learning experience to do these things for a second time nonetheless. Of course the primary focus of our cultural exploration of Korea was food culture. When we weren't having meals, we were having snacks. David and I ate 4 or 5 times a day just to pack in all the innumerable different dishes that one needs to experience to understand the full "palette" (ㅋㅋㅋ) of the colorful Korean culinary canvas. (BAM! OUT ALLITERATE THAT!!!)
불고기
제육덥밥
떡볶이
라볶이
떡만두국
비빔밥
삼겹살
보신탕
김치찌개
돼장찌개
해물파전
김밥
닭갈비
순두부
LA갈비
산낙지
두유
꿀물
밀키스
식혜
누룽지
to name what I can remember for those of you that care.

I had for the first time since I've been here the much anticipated dog stew. I must say, not too shabby. First, I asked a Korean friend to search for a decent restaurant (since quality of dog preparation can vary dramatically...). Once we knew a name and general area, David and I headed out. Of course, by the look of the restaurant it wasn't really a restaurant at all. There were no other lit buildings on the alley where the sign was, nor was there really nothing recognizable in the area besides a parking garage. We went down a half flight of stairs into a quasi-basement dark and dingy restaurant that serves dog. Sketch? Oh yeah. I was starting to think it was a mistake, especially given that everyone in the restaurant looked at David and I as though we were school girls in a porn store. Not to say that they shouldn't have, because we definitely didn't match the characteristics of the clientele. Every single person in that restaurant was a middle aged Korean man. No exception. (Later I learned that dog stew is thought to give men some sort of sexual power)

After we were seated, I looked at the menu and found nothing named dog-anything. I began to suspect we must be in the wrong restaurant. For this reading of Steven and David in the supposed dog restaurant, the part of the waitress will be read by Joan Cusack, the part of Steven will be read by Bill Murray, and the part of David will be read by Silent Bob.

Waitress points to an adjacent table, assuming that Steven and David can not read the menu.
Waitress: "Would you like what they're eating?"
Steven: "What is it?"
Waitress: "Stew."
Steven: "What kind of stew?"
Waitress: "...Meat stew."
Steven (insistently): "What kind of meat???"
Waitress (under breath, noticeably reluctant): "그~~~um...dog meat."
Steven: "That's what I want!"

Clearly, they did not expect us to enjoy eating dog one bit. As skeptical looking as the restaurant first appeared, it was in fact very high quality meat (hence every other table full of middle aged men). I don't think that dog meat was any better than any other meat could have been, but since the restaurant was high quality any meat they served would have been just as good. Ultimately, it was very reminiscent of a rump roast or other stew style beef. Slightly fatty, very tender and striated.


Another new event for me was going to the top of NamSan tower, a tower placed on top of a mountain and over looking the entirety of Seoul. As per suggestion, we went up at night to get the full effect of the all the lit buildings and bridges and their reflections in the Han river. Unfortunately, our timing could not have been any worse. Paying no attention to the actual date, I foolishly overlooked the fact that it was in fact Valentine's day. As intolerable as Korean couples are on any other day of the year, it was ten times worse to be crammed in between all of them on a sky lift to the tower. While the lovers stared at the mesmerizing lights, David and I snapped a few pictures and quickly made our escape.


A last interesting event that I hadn't yet experienced was during our trip to Pusan. I had learned before about a series of islets at the mouth of the bay to Pusan harbor, named in Korean the "five or six islands." If this strikes anyone else as stupid at first glance you are not alone. I could look out and clearly count the five islands from anywhere in the city, but it seemed as if the whole of Pusan was as of yet unsure as to the number. It was only later when we took a ferry out to the islands and back that we learned one of the five islands splits into two at high tide, thus justifying the name five or six. Intriguing. Not to mention the ferry ride happened to coincide almost perfectly with sunset, affording some excellent shots back into the city.

Overall, Korea rules and Japan smells. 대한민국!!!!(짝짝~짝짝~짝)

Mr. Roboto, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being Dead Weight

There comes a point in a prolonged vacation where you simply begin to feel like a stowaway in someone else's culture. Where you recognize that you don't understand the language, don't understand the rules, and simply just don't belong there at all. No, I'm not speaking of Korea, thankfully. I'm talking about my week away in Japan.

To write my expectations of Japan in detail after the fact of the matter would be inaccurate and pointless, but I will say this: I never thought it could be so different than the culture next door. I mean, Japan borrowed language, culture, religion, writing style, even architectural style from Korea (who in turn had borrowed all that from China). Both countries are Confucian, both countries have a very ocean-oriented livelihood. How could so much be so backwards to me??

In that same train of thought, let's talk about the first shocking thing to happen. Sitting on the bus, riding to the university where I was to meet my friend and tour guide for the week David, listening to my iPod, softly starting to doze for the hour trip, when the recognition that I'm on the left side of the road shakes me out of my complacency. They drive like England over there! Somewhere in the back of my head I knew it was something I've learned, but something so trivial gets filed away with pop culture tidbits and African history. When you are actually sitting in a vehicle, waiting to make a right turn at the light, waiting for the bus on the wrong side of the road, feeling confused which way to look when crossing, it really drives the nail home. Not only cars, mind you, but all traffic obeys this backwards principle. Walking on sidewalks, stairs, and escalators is always on the left side. Even the subways and trains run on the left side of the track! So confusing. I never quite got used to it all week. (익숙해지지 않았어요)

As for activities in Japan, there was plenty to keep me occupied. For starters, there was an entire new food culture to dive into. I finally had real Japanese sushi, and realized that it wasn't that much different from what I'd been eating in Korea or even the States. On the unique side, however, I did try something that can only be served in Japan. Though I never got my jaws around the ever-so-deadly blowfish sushi, I did snag a bite of whale meat, a delicacy that has been internationally restricted to only the Japanese islands ("Takeshima" not included). I also got a melt in your mouth taste of the most delicious sushi in the world, the fatty tuna (O-toro, if you will). Though I have had this in the states before, there is something magic about eating it surrounded by Japanese that really brings the whole experience home.

My largest observation about Japanese cuisine, after having tasted everything I wanted to, is that they lack any food which is remotely spicy. Sure, they have wasabi, but that's not "spicy" per se. I'm talking about real, Mexican food, burning your mouth not your nose spicy, like just about everything in Korea winds up being. The funny thing was that the Japanese people continuously attempted to serve me "spicy" things, further solidifying the truth that they didn't have even a remote concept of how to pick spicy food out of a line up, much less cook it. I was served a dish which was reportedly "so spicy you will die," and to my surprise I couldn't taste the slightest hint of heat. If we ever need to beat Japan in war again, I advise saving the nukes and sticking with Tabasco, because those kids can't handle mild sauce.

Though David's university is in Yokohama, I spent very little of my time there. We did see the city's famous China town district, but aside from that Yokohama was largely un-toured. The best part of my trip started with Shinkansen (the bullet train) and lasted through the duration of my time in Kyoto. Seat of the early empires, Kyoto can be compared to Korea's GyeongJu in that all the ancient cultural sights can be found there. The number of temples and palaces in Kyoto could not be toured in a week, much less two days, but we hit the big spots. As Chiasa suggested, we toured a Japanese castle (Nijo-Jo), but unfortunately a sign every ten yards reminded us that no photography or sketching was allowed inside the building. Most of the wall paintings were still preserved, and they were really impressive, but I couldn't draw them for you guys. We also toured the largest wooden structure in the world, Hongwan temple. Aside from the massive portion, the temple has many smaller buildings scattered into an east and west plot of land. The most impressive sights were the Silver and Gold temples. Though the Silver temple is silver only in name, it was still an impressive structure and the Buddhist sand garden was particularly awesome. It had just rained the night before, so the sand had been freshly reformed. It was a mind boggling series of patterns swirling around a Mt. Fuji shaped mound. The Gold temple was in fact actually gold. The three story temple was set beside a lake, which rendered a particularly nice reflection of it's top two, completely gilded stories. Other Kyoto sides included a bamboo forest, the Geisha district briefly, and Kosho temple.

After Kyoto we spent some time in Tokyo, which is lately nothing but businesses and businessmen. I did get to see the famed Harajuku district and all it's weirdness. Though it was after dark and most of the freaks had gone home, we did catch a glimpse of a few of Harajuku's famed fashionistas and all their wacky outfits. David and I also made the huge mistake of going to Tokyo tower. Probably the biggest tourist trap I've ever been caught by, Tokyo tower is nothing but an hour line to pay 8 dollars to stand in a forty-five minute line to take the elevator to snap four pictures of buildings and then wait thirty minutes to take an elevator back down to the shopping area. The brochure did make a big deal about how the tower is taller and lighter than the Eiffel Tour, whom they shamelessly copied and strove to outdo.

Despite being a week of constant run around, I was totally relaxed the duration of my stay in Japan. At first, it's disconcerting to be completely dependent on another human being to communicate even your most basic desires. I was suddenly thrust into 100% illiteracy, muteness, deafness, and cultural stupidity. I could no longer order food or even read menus, I had not one yen to buy anything, I didn't know where anything was, and if I had I couldn't have used the subway or bus system. After I overcame the initial fear of dependency, however, I learned that it is no curse to be dead weight. I finally didn't have to think about anything. I didn't know the first thing, but wasn't expected to! I was allowed to be stupid and lost. Better yet, I was no longer ashamed of being touristy. In Korea, where I'm working on understanding and fitting into the general culture, I feel bad carrying around a camera or asking directions, even going to the area tourist traps. In Japan though I had no expectation or desire to fit in. It was liberating to be allowed to spend all my tourist energy unabashedly.

On that note, the last day in Japan was spent in Tokyo Disneyland. Though it's not very Japanese, it is quite cultural. The cutesy, childish, pink-hued side of Japan comes out of the shadows when mice in dresses and bows are around. David, his Yokohama friends, and I had a great time running around an Asian Disney environment, as lame as all the rides really were. I leave you with a photo montage of our adventures in Disneyland, as well as some of our more goofy and strange photos from the whole trip. Next time: my responsibilities resume as I take the tour guide reins and lead David around Korea.

Livin' the Dream

I have accomplished three goals. I got a mirror in my room (thanks for leaving, Chinese chick!). Okay, that's not really a goal, but its a luxury and industrialization is all about providing me with luxuries.

I also got my ticket to Japan! This feels like such a spontaneous thing, since I haven't made a single plan yet. The way it's going down (knock on wood) is I am staying with my friend David, who should know the sights, places to eat, and things to do since he's been in Yokohama for a solid 3 months so far at least. Then, after I've had a genuine vacation in Japan, David and I will fly back together to Korea, where I will host him in the same fashion. So for some months I've been evaluating activities and areas in Seoul, but as far as a vacation in Japan I haven't given it a second thought. Actually having the ticket solidifies something that's been not even in the back of mind. It's an exciting surprise.

My third goal was taking this really difficult picture. Enjoy.

2007 SK Winter English Camp

Winter camp is over and was one of the most enjoyable/rewarding experiences I've had in Korea.

After struggles with immigration over me and my 5 friends teaching without diplomas (not even English education diplomas, but any ole' diploma - engineering, physics, hair dressing, doesn't matter), we decided to work for the English camp as "volunteers." We signed volunteer contracts and headed down to the most boring college-town on the face of the peninsula, SuWon.

The kids arrived on the 5th on January, and we were instructed to greet them with excessive enthusiasm. Classes started on the 6th, rather slowly at first but picking up with time. There were 50 kids at a variety of English skill levels, but they were all cute and well behaved with the exception of 4. By the end we were all the best of friends, and I could have spent another ten days with them.

The camp day was divided into four one hour periods before lunch and starting at 9, then an hour for lunch, then four more hours of fun classes.

We divided the students into 6 classes since there were 6 teachers. Each of us had a homeroom with which we spent the most time. My homeroom was class 3, and together we had one class in the morning. After lunch for the first three days we worked on adapting a story into a drama and making a newspaper about the camp. After that I was teaching theme classes, some days about Halloween, some days about Western restaurant menu/etiquette. Other teachers taught classes about bank or airport scenarios.

At the halfway point, the teachers were given a break while the students went on a pottery making field trip. When everyone returned, the morning classes restarted. In lieu of teaching drama and newspaper to my homeroom, I began rotating through every class to teach them a "science class." We did a few experiments dealing with static and Newton's first law. Other teachers were rotating around teaching cooking, geography, quiz show, arts and crafts, etc.

The theme classes were also shuffled around, and I began to teach model U.N. and scavenger hunt in the late afternoon. A field day was introduced into the rotation as well. We made kites, memorized the seven dwarf's names and the longest word in the English language, colored a United Nations flag, and gave speeches about the Kyoto Protocol.

When it came time to leave, everyone had become close friends indeed. For many of the kids it was their first time not living at home, and for most it was the most English they had ever been required to speak/listen to. I have a lot of individual funny stories, but that is a decent general overview. Of course not all of ten days can be posted, but feel free to skype me about details!

Another Another New Student

Connection: Friend's new girlfriend's younger brother's friend. It doesn't get much further. I know married couples with a less absurd connection than that (living in the south***)

These two are really exciting for me since they are almost my age. Every other student I have is less than ten or pregnant, so it's nice to finally have some students with whom I can just hang out with more or less. These two boys just got out of high school and are both awaiting acceptance to Yonsei. They are easy to talk to, since their listening skills are high, and for the time being all we they want is for us to talk to one another and become comfortable. Later on I will work with them on passing the rigorous TOEFL test, but for now it's just coffee shops and roller coasters baby!

3 times a week, 50 bucks a pop. Praise whiteness!!!

Merry Christmas

[Me hanging out my window the morning after the night of the second snow, just a few days after new years]



For those of you who I didn't get a chance to talk to or who were hiding in the mountains from family, merry Christmas. I had a wonderful time here in Seoul and I know that you all had a great time too.

The Christmas Eve party was what everyone expected it to be. The French-Canadian couple Anne-Marie and Richard had decorated their apartment and turned on a loop of Christmas carols. Richard had prepared oodles of western food in a buffet style. There were lots of our fellow family-less foreigners there to celebrate. We did an exciting version of white elephant gift exchange, and just spent some great time together.

My Christmas day was much less exciting and much more relaxing. Even though I had to get up and tutor English to the heartless rich people, I still got enough sleep and at least made some money. When I came back, Alexis and Xavier and I had a small lunch and a long hike. We went to the mountain behind the Buddhist temple and scaled for about an hour, eventually reaching the top. The view was spectacular, the air so calm and peaceful, and even some remnants of the snow were left. In a way I did get my white Christmas!

Being that Alexis, Xavier, and I had become each other's family over the last few months, we went out to a fancy Christmas dinner together to celebrate the day. The food was delicious and the atmosphere was calm and comfortable. We did a small gift exchange and then went home to watch a movie. Everything was very free and relaxing after such a hectic semester's finals and an increase in private students that really put me under some stress in the end. All things considered I believe that this Christmas ranks about an 8 on the scale of Christmas satisfaction, but is probably the most relaxing and pleasant Christmas day I've known in my short life time. I hope all is well with you guys. Let me know how things went on your end!

Another New Student

This time the connection was a classmate's friend's cousin. I swear it is remarkable how these people just fall into your lap.

Wednesday I began tutoring my student, ShiHak. He is a ten year old boy who goes to the Korean International School. KIS is more expensive than college, and it's a place where Korean kids with rich parents can go to a Western school and remain in Korea. I thought I would be tutoring the boy in English, but it turns out that his English is as good as any 10 year old kid in America. Convenient. I am, in fact, tutoring my first ever history pupil. We move through his text books talking about world and American history. Over his break from school, the mother wants me to go down there every day for an hour and a half. That means every single day I am given $60.

These students keep getting richer and richer. ShiHak lives in Tower Palace, the most prestigious apartment complex in all of Korea. A cluster of buildings A-G, Tower Palace consists of 50-some story buildings with wacko security and awesome views. When I enter the building, I have call the clerk on a designated telephone to get out of the first lobby and into the second lobby, where I sign in and trade my Alien Registration Card for an elevator pass card. I then have to find the lone elevator with access to the highest floors, use my pass card to activate the buttons, and ride straight up at a blistering speed for 44 floors. (They really should make the elevator stop half way down and let you acclimate to the change in pressure and elevation. My eyes are killing me after the ride is over.) Then I walk to ShiHak's apartment, one of six on the whole floor, and have to find the doorbell on the keycode-fingerprint entry system. I here the bolts withdraw as they let me into their immense apartment, and my secret-agent-like journey is over.

The beauty of tutoring this kid is his ADHD. I've never seen anyone with such a short attention span, and my brother was a maniac child. ShiHak and I will be talking about Catholic Church reformation movement, and then all the sudden he'll come out with a question like "If reincarnation is real, and you're supposed to live a better life than the one you lived last time, and you can't remember your previous life, then how are you supposed to improve?" This kid is a freakin' genius. More importantly, we spend much of our class time discussing his deep, philosophical questions. When it's all over, I'm served some lavish meal, handed sixty bucks, and sent back through the security system to my home.

At times I feel bad for the kid, since this is his vacation from school and he is being drowned in private tutoring. He tells me that he prefers school time to break time because his mother makes him work harder than his teachers do. He has 8 private tutors while on break, not to mention the two sports he plays. She smothers the kid, but I'm not about to complain. That's life, that's Korea, and that's my livelihood.

Downsides to this job are the commute most predominantly. It takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to get where they are. I don't mind commuting so much, but it contributes to a bigger problem: My day is butchered by this student. I always meet him at one or eleven, which means I lose the entire center of my day. I can't do anything with anyone until his break is over. She's even got me coming over to teach him on Christmas morning! And these people are Christians!! I suppose I wouldn't be doing anything better on Christmas morning, but it would be nice to sleep in care free once in a while. Regardless, the every day is temporary and I'm banking a ton of cash, so I can stick it out until the 4th, when winter camp begins!

"Sorry, I can't tonight. I'm moving a piano at 9:30"

Sound like the worst excuse I ever made up? Well it is fact, my friends. Fact.

I was at breakfast on Thursday morning. The landlady served me the usual one egg, one slice of American cheese, and two slices of toast. Then we started making pleasant conversation.
"Looks like all the snow will be gone before Christmas."
"It's nice that it's been warmer lately, though. "
This egg is really good this morning."
"Thanks, how would you like to help me move a piano?"

Suckered right in. So I go downstairs with Xavier (who wasn't invited, but decided to help anyways) on Friday night at 9:30pm. The landlady's room is in two parts. One part that is ground level and separated from the outside by a poorly insulated door, and one part that is slightly elevated and inside a well insulated door. The piano was to go from the low, cold, and moist portion of the room up into the higher, warmer, drier portion of the room. It was a standing piano, so skinnier than a door (but not by much), and it only had to go slightly more than one piano's length.

When Xavier offered to help, the landlady's son (who speaks broken English) told him that he was too thin and weak. I haven't yet heard anything so blunt and cruel and still so comical. Thank you language barrier. Xavier is just one of those spry and stringy guys. I don't know why they would reject his help and take the help of Asians, but that's how it went down.

The piano moved easily, and we were celebrated by the beaming landlady. It was all worth it just to see the look on Xavier's face when he was told "mmmm, you too thin" and of course, to get to use the world's corniest excuse on a friend. "Sorry, I can't tonight. I'm moving a piano at 9:30"

Hey everybody. How's it going.

Ah, it's good to hear it. I'm doing fine, thanks for asking.

This week is finals "week." I put week in quotations because it's a lie. I have my first paper due tomorrow morning, a paper on Tuesday, two essay tests, and the Korean final marathon. All in all it stretched into sometime in the middle of next next week. Ich.

As some of you have already heard, my contract on the job this winter fell through. There was more opposition at the embassy with getting us all work permits than the company had initially predicted, so we were essentially left high and dry. After a week of concern and fret, I applied and was accepted at a different winter camp for the same pay. This camp assures us that they deal with foreign work permits all the time, but we are no longer naive enough to get our hopes up. If it works out, then great. If it bombs, then I've already coped with the disappointment so it's no longer a big deal.

After two weeks of intense computer troubles I'm finally back online. My computer decided one day that it was going to block internet access of all the programs and websites I use in the order I use them most. By the end of it I had tried everything I knew how to do but had still watched one thing after another fade away. Gmail, Skype, MSN messenger, Yahoo mail and messenger, Blogger, Facebook, Myspace, and AIM were systematically refused access to the internet, leaving me with an expensive and cumbersome mp3 player. Thanks to the Kazakhstani down the hall and his windows boot disks and drivers, however, everything is now back in order. Good thing too, since I was on the verge of scrapping my much anticipated February trip to Japan in order to afford a new computer. Thanks Kazakhstan! You are so much more intelligent than Borat and prostitutes.

As far as Christmas, many of us lonely, family-less foreigners are preparing to gather and be sad together on the Eve. At said gathering will be decorations, gift exchange, a veritable feast, music, and no tears....no tears. It is general consensus among us that it doesn't even feel like December, much less a holiday season. The stealth with which Thanksgiving slipped by was astounding, and Christmas is but weeks away and I still don't feel anything. Is it coincidence, just maturation, merely a blossoming lack of interest in Christmas that coincides with being abroad? Maybe its that the rainy, dark, dead weather here is more reminiscent of Georgia Januaries and Februaries than of Decembers. Could it be that there isn't a family member in this hemisphere? I like to think that it's a little of all three, with a dash of way-to-busy-to-care.

Are you following closely the resumption of 6 party talks here between the Koreas? How about the fourth coup in Fiji in less than 20 years? Midterm election shakedown? I know I am. There are so many more interesting things in this world than what I'm doing here. Thanks for continuing to come and to pay attention. I'll do my best this week to keep the posts a-coming, but it is testing testing testing from here 'til Christmas. I'll throw something up about the finality of this new potential winter job as well as the new private student I meet next week. Until then, adieu.

The Most Kick-Ass Free Day of All Time

So when our Korean teacher informed the class last week of a tour for foreigners, we assumed that a)it was for foreigners, b)it was expensive, and c)every other Korean class knew about it. About five of us signed up, sacrificing the kimchi making seminar and opting for a tour focusing on ancient Korean life. All doubts were soon lain to rest; never have I had such an awesome day and spent only $8.

Though we were initially five, Amina and Zach missed the bus in the morning and had to meet us at stop two. For the first destination we were only three, Alexis, MiSun, and myself. MiSun is a half Korean, half German exchange student who's only staying until the end of the semester. We set out together on the tour bus, bound for the Folk village. On the tour bus we quickly learned that there were no other International students in Korean class like us. Though it was technically a bus of mostly foreigners, those foreigners were about 15 Chinese students. Including the 6 or so real Koreans, the common language on the bus was Korean. In short, we were taken by surprise when asked in Korean to introduce ourselves to the rest of the bus...in Korean. The bus itself was equipped with a microphone, making it more embarrassing (more on the microphone later...).




We swallowed our surprise and fear and braced for a 14 hour day in nothing but Korean. Our first stop on the bus was the folk village, a Renaissance Festival of sorts. Except not imaginary. Or hokey. The village was set up in sections, some from JoSeon and some from Shilla dynasty with a small section dedicated to the large Jeju island off the southern coast of Korea. All employees dressed as though they were from the respective time periods, and there were houses representative of each class and occupation, shows in the traditional manner of old Korea, food available only at the time, and seminars about basket weaving and the like. The complex was huge, intricate, and well thought out. The village provided pamphlets and many signs in English, so we weren't entirely in the dark. The only performance we were able to catch was the tightrope walker, but that was so cool. We tasted many traditional cookies, including one made of honey that was hardened, stretched to the thinness of hair, coated in flour, wrapped in bundles around diced nuts, and chilled. Like ancient cotton candy plus nuts. Delicious.

Oh, by the way: the facial hair has returned temporarily for several reasons. x=My razor is officially worthless, a=I haven't found the energy to buy a new razor, b=I don't want to spend the money, m=male. So, f{H}=x*[(a+b)/m]. The 'H' means hairy.

Our next stop was a bathroom break outside the gates to the president's house. Though I would have really liked to tour the Blue House (named for it's distinctive roof), I had a repeat of the National Assembly tour disappointment. We got a drive by look at the building through some trees.




The real stop was the nearby GyeongBok Palace, the seat of the JoSeon dynasty. This place was so massive that it was impossible not to get lost. The complex consists of 330 buildings, making it the largest of the Five Grand Palaces constructed during the JoSeon era. It was originally built in the late 1300's only to be tore down by Japanese invasion in 1592. After years of neglect, a later JoSeon king returned the palace to it's former glory. Of course, Korea had to watch it be destroyed again in 1910 during the beginning of Japanese colonization. Since the Japanese took no pictures of the palace before they tore it down, scholars have struggled to recreate the all but ten buildings that were left standing in the 50's. The palace may never be restored perfectly, but there are many things about it that were interesting all the same. One of the most impressive things was the royal throne room, the ceiling of which had to have been at least four stories above the ground. On the roof of every building are dragon head statues for protection~every building, that is, except the sleeping chambers of the king and queen, since the king was considered the dragon incarnate. Another interesting building + legend was the Foreign Emissary Entertainment Complex. Lifted up on 16 pillars and in the middle of a lotus flower lake, the building was designated expressly for partying with diplomats. Legend has it that one year, when the lake was drained for cleaning, a statue was discovered at the bottom. After having removed the statue, the kingdom suffered disasters and hardships. After replacing the original with a replica, the disasters subsided.

In the back of the Palace complex, the city has placed the Korean Folk Museum, more of a series of replicas and recreations than an actual museum but still very educational. My personal favorite was the Plow Distribution Chart, which showed different styles of plow and the region of Korea in which it was employed. The museum also had several miniatures of Korean cities, pottery techniques, traditional festivals, and palaces. There were also several small artifacts and paintings, but nothing as impressive as the National Central Museum two days before.




After leaving the palace behind, we went for a traditional meal in InSaDong, the historical district of the city. Naturally, like the lunch that I forgot to mention and the tickets to these locations and the whole bus ride, the meal was free. We left InSaDong and headed for our final destination; the Traditional Art Performance. Sadly there was no photography of any kind allowed in the theatre, but we were able to take pictures of ourselves in ancient Korean garb while waiting for the show. I am a king, Alexis is a queen, and MiSun has on a wedding HanBok. The show started off with a performance by the folk musicians, a sound unlike anything I'd ever heard before. It was more akin to 12 tone Schoenberg modern music than to the sound in Europe during the same time. After that, a woman came out and sang a story (difficult if you don't speak fluent Korean), but the next act made up for everything. Seven women, each with three drums, were positioned on stage. One drum was behind them and the other two were on their left and right, all three tambourine sized and chest level. These women proceeded to bust out this incredible choreographed dance/drum concert for the next ten minutes. How they remembered every complex pattern and move over that long song is beyond me, but not one mistake was made and all seven of them smiled the entire time. These chicks were so awesome. Watch this substitute video I found on youtube:




After them, five guys came out and one-upped the whole thing. Each guy had a percussion instrument and a long ribbon on his hat. These men ribbon danced with their head, played complicated rhythms, and did spinning acrobatic dances all at the same time.




And as for the mysterious microphone on the bus, it just so happened that we were on a karaoke bus. Where there should have been a rear-view mirror there was a flat screen TV, the lights would turn off and rainbow lights would come on, and the microphone would go from normal to echo mode. We sang karaoke on the way back to the school! For free!! How cool was this day!!! I saw and learned so much, and all I paid for was a souvenir piece of calligraphy and the chance to wear the outfit before the folk performance. How did we get so lucky?? I'm still trying to figure it out, but it was hands down the coolest day I've ever spent paying for absolutely nothing!

국립중앙박물관 ~ The National Central Museum

Recently I came into the knowledge that myself and a friend from my Korean language class have all day Thursday off until four o'clock. As part of our recent resolution to stop wasting that day sleeping in, Alexis and I spent last Thursday in the National Central Museum. Currently they are hosting the Louvre, but as we were more interested in Korea (and the Louvre exhibit cost extra dough) you will not see pictures of French paintings.

The Museum featured six wings, only three of which we had time to catch. One wing we skipped was the foreign donation wing, though that is the host to a famous Greek helmet, won by a Korean marathon runner in the early 19th century. We did get to see lots of history, including clothes, paintings, statues, ceramics, incense burners, jewelry, furniture, and those nifty folding screen divider things, all dating back to various of three major dynasties in Korean history over the mast few thousand years.

Thankfully, Alexis brought her Korean boyfriend. With his help we learned a lot about the history in the paintings, Buddhist statues and the meanings behind hand gestures, royalty, history of the language and calligraphy, and specific uses for some of the more strange looking artifacts. Thanks to MinCheol we learned much more than just the art can teach you.

The Buddhist statues were probably the coolest part of the Museum. They were displayed from as small as three inches high to as large as eight feet. Made of gold or stone, they were in various poses and from various dynasties. The change in style of depiction was evident as we passed through the exhibit. We learned the six most common Buddhist statue hand signals and their meanings. There was even a chart showing the variations between Japanese, Chinese, and Korean representations of Buddha.

The comical part of the museum (you didn't think I walked out of there without one cynical thing to say, did you?) were the "National Treasures." When I went South I thought it was kind of cool that every temple or monument I bought a ticket for was labeled with it's National Treasure number. Only after going to the Museum did I discover that Korea has over 1,400 so-called National Treasures. They just dole 'em out, man. Buildings and pots, statues and crowns...they even named to National Treasurdom (my favorite) this group of old women. Something about their genes? I couldn't understand. It's as if anything that was maintained half decent got to be a treasure, immensely devaluing the whole point of the thing. At least now the government can brag to Japan about how many treasures they have.

3 Month Anniversary

Well, it's come and gone so quickly so far. Three months since the big flight o'er the sea. There are things that I miss, and things that I'm tired of. Let's take this quarter bench-mark moment and reflect, shall we?
Things Having Been Pined For:

1. Stories: After two months living with foreigners you sort of give up talking as a means of entertainment and strip it down to the bare essentials: communication. Even after being here near the international community, the best I get is effortless communication. I'm not really in a "story telling crowd." It's gotten so bad that I'd forgotten I used to tell stories will all of my social time. My mind has changed to the point where my experiences aren't automatically sorted into story-worthy and garbage. I've not only lost the habit of story telling but lost the mindset of a story teller. I'll be glad to be back in that environment.
2. Cheese: We just don't have it. Sure, I can go to the largest supermarket in Korea and pick up so pricy ass cheese from the foreign section, but effectively gone are the days of bread and Brie, cheese and crackers, Mac & cheese, cordon bleu, four cheese ravioli, nachos, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers, and cheese fries. It's almost torturous that Koreans have chosen one cheese for their diet: American. Of all the cheeses in the world, American cheese is aplenty. Just my luck.
3. Shoes: Not just shoes either, but pants and sleeves. Nothing here is me-sized. Nothing. So it comes down to my shoes falling apart and no store in Korea with accommodating pedestrian equipper on this continent. Not to mention the high water, 3/4 sleeve problem is ridiculous here. What I came with is what I've got.
4. Dryers. I haven't seen a dryer since I got here. Clothes just don't feel the same air drying.
   

Things Having Been Spurned

1. The Question Set: I know we do it, but it's become so painfully obvious what the American stereotypes here are just by the questions every Korean asks you. "It's not too spicy for you??" every time you eat the heat equivalent of gumbo. "What do you think of Korean girls??" Alright, alright already. Will you just let that one die! Not every white guy is here to find a geisha. "Why would you even be interested in Korea?" Aside from the political hot spot this place is, what about the economic miracle and investment possibility this place poses? No, I'm not in the Army. No, I don't have Korean family.
2. "Couples": The whole couple phenomenon just gets old. Youth culture here is geared around the couple. Meals come in "couple sets," every month has a couple holiday, shoes and shirts come in his and hers pairs, the streets are jammed with waltzing, arm in arm lovers. It's fun to be in a relationship, but the suffocating, mushy, predominant dating culture is too much for even the western girls to handle.
   
3. KimChi: If I never eat KimChi again it'll be too soon. And by too soon I mean three times tomorrow. The "national dish" of fermented cabbage marinated in spice is served at every meal. Yeah, it's cool that now I can tell the difference between different qualities of KimChi, but after three months of cabbage morning, noon, and night I could never eat it again and be satisfied.
4. English: Not the real language, the imitation. Everywhere you look there's poorly translated, misspelled English. Often it makes zero sense. Sounds like it could be funny forever, right? Actually the term limit on that is more like three months. After that, it just gets dull. You can predict the errors, translate the nonsensical adages and quips, even catch yourself making similar errors in your speech. Often I just wish that they would stop trying. In fact, it is not possible to find a shirt with and Korean text on it. I've been here three months and I have to say that they just don't exist. Sad for a tourist, I know. Just another example of how this country is cultural-export-reluctant combined with western obsessed.

It could be worse. Other than these few whims and irritants life here is still awesome. The droll school year is winding down to winter break, when I'll get my snow and some much needed relaxation. I have given up trying to expect where my mindset will settle in the next three months. It's futile. There is no rhyme or reason to how something like this changes a person. You just find yourself standing outside an operation room peering through glass as your old personality gets a full blood transfusion, new kidneys, a pacemaker, bone marrow transplant, and facial reconstructive surgery.

Menu Update

How have I been missing this for all these months! More than three months in Korea now and I have never seen this food! (You think you're really getting to know a place, especially getting to know the menu, but still you find surprises that you've overlooked somehow or were unexpected. I anticipate this sort of mini-shock to occur for the next several months as I discover all the little pieces that I missed while overwhelmed with everything else.)



It looks like watermelon Kool-Ade, but I can assure you it's not. I knew from the start it would not be Kool-Ade, but the mind is a difficult thing to convince. Even though there was a piece of radish floating in it, I still could not get out of my head that anything bright pink must also be sweet and fruity. Of course it was not fruity, and my inane expectations of it made that even harder to swallow. When I spooned it into my mouth I was shocked and not shocked at the same time (weird feeling, trust me) to find the flavor a sort of vinegar sour but not pucker your face strong. Will someone find a word for that? Sour like vinegar but not strong enough to cause facial reaction. If you can't find one, coin one. I am as I was at the time at a loss for words. How can I expect a flavor of something that is both deceivingly colored and indescribable in my own language. Since my first encounter with the pink vinegar I have seen it twice. The Koreans describe this "Ade" as a side dish, as though it were solid and had health benefits. I'm glad I photographed it when I saw it first, because sometimes it's not so violently pink and that would have ruined the image for you, loyal reader.

First Snow

Though it was a little premature, we had flurries last week after an unseasonally cold, rainy, and miserable day. Finally, all the arm in arm Korean girls who just drag there feet down the side walk were running for cover. Dream come true. OUTTA MY WAY!

Fall is nice. Cool, sunny, and the leaves are vibrant. So vibrant, in fact, that it's all these people talk about. I thought it odd when we learned the word for what's best translated as "autumnal tints," or "the color that the leaves change during the fall months." But the amount of times I've heard about how beautiful the DanPung are this year makes me sick. I'll never forget that damn word as long as live. Here are some Seoul Fall shots. Enjoy.